On the anniversary of Zombie Patient Zero

I want to offer the following suggestions:

  • If you see a zombie (patient zero), immediately and publicly declare it as risen / a messiah / a deity / a demigod.
  • Encourage people to immediately worship and/or investigate it. This puts a wall of flesh between you and Zombie Patient Zero.
  • While these people serve as your living shield, take the time to isolate them all. Large walls are best but temporary fencing will do. Remember, they are more interested with what’s going on at the center of this mess and less likely to recognize what’s going on behind them. It is advisable that you have stocked up on several hundred yards worth of fence before this.
  • Light the whole thing on fire. DO NOT BOMB IT. Bombs are messy and might spread around parts that could cause secondary infections. Stay with cleansing fire.
  • Congratulations! You have successfully and safely dealt with a potential zombie epidemic. In addition, you have taken out the too-gullible or too-curious that would likely endanger you in an end-time situation.

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